I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize