I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
