Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
