Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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