I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
