I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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