i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
