from now on my penis is your penis
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
