what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
