Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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