Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
