There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
