this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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