everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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