just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
