Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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