ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
