you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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