im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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