I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
