I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
