i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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