i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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