come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
