my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize