He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he fucked my hip out of place.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize