hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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