Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
