i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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