waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
