i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize