Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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