maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
