just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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