the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
