Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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