I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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