I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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