Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
