This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
