so that wasnt chicken after all
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
