I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
