You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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