Non-Jews are for practice
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
