once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
