i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You made out with two different species that night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
