I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
