I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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