insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
