Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
