I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
