Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I forgot how hot balto sounded
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
