Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
