I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
