in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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