a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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