used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
