I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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