that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize