im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
