they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
