I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
