This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
