he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
