The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
