I wish I could teleport
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
