what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
