Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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