worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you never un-have a 4some
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
