Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
how does that bad decision feel?
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