your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
