they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
