Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who died my cat blue again?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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