I heard we made out
how can u be prego again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
