I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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