If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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