i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i out mim tonsoeep
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
