6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
