thus making me awesome and them whores
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
