Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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