His pubic hair was longer than his dick
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
