also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize