She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
