I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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