We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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