Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
