he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
