I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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