His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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