just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
