i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
