man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
