Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
