yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
