So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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